Through An 'Old Timer's' Eyes
By Howard 'Mac' McDonald

Something is really bugging me these days.

Have you ever heard of an aphid? It is an insect that feeds on leaves or on your garden plants. They can be controlled biologically by the ladybug.

There is a company called Beneficial Insect Co. that raises or hatches ladybugs and sells them to anyone who wants to control the aphid.

Somehow, these visitors have found their way to our neck of the woods. If he were alive, Alfred Hitchcock could write a movie about these maneating bugs. It would probably follow along the lines of "The Birds."

People are a whole lot easier to find than aphids, so that is why the ladybugs have changed their menu and have decided to devour humans.

This week, I had a job at a house on Old West Creek Road. The place used to be white, but now it is orange with black dots because it is completely covered with ladybugs. When I went to enter the house, so many bugs landed on me that I had a hard time seeing. I thought they would strip my flesh right down to the bone. I will probably have nightmares about these horrible little creatures.

I wish I was wealthy enough to buy a couple hundred thousand of these bugs from Beneficial Insect Company. I would find out who brought them to this country, rent a plane and give them a dose of their own medicine.

We need someone like Edgar Snyder to go after the perpetrators and make them pay for the elimination of these property destroying insects.

If you lived here many years ago, then you must remember the "friendly flies." All these pesky things did was light on you and sit there. I don't think they killed any gypsy moths. The black specks that they left everywhere was not chocolate candy. I wonder how much disease they spread?

I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago for my quarterly checkup. I am slightly over the hill, so I asked him if he thought I would live to be 80.

He said after several blood tests and other tests that, for my age he thought I was doing quite well.

Again I asked, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"

He then inquired, "Do you smoke or use alcoholic beverages?"

"No, and I don't do drugs either," I answered.

"Do you eat rib-eye steak and barbecued ribs?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He then asked me if I gambled, drove fast cars, or have a lot of sex?

I answered, "No I don't do any of those things."

He then looked me right in the eye and said, "Then why do you care?"

If my body was a car right now I would be thinking of trading it in. My body has dents, bumps and scratches. My running gears don't work like they should and my headlights are out of focus.

My mileage ain't what it used to be and if I laugh or sneeze, my radiator leaks or my exhaust system backfires.