Through An 'Old Timer's' Eyes
By Howard 'Mac' McDonald

According to the Associated Press, a Swedish university has received $590,000 in research funds to measure the greenhouse gases released when cows belch.

Cows release methane, which is believed to contribute to global warming, when they digest their food. I could stop this problem in a New York second by mixing baking soda in their food.

Tonight we had homemade bean soup for supper and I will probably be contributing to the greenhouse gas problem. I wonder how many other people will be doing the same thing. There are several billion of us on the planet and I'll bet we give the cows a run for their money.

I think I'll apply for a grant of a couple million to study this methane problem.

January has moved right along, with the Super Bowl nearing.

All of the NFLfans have to choose this weekend between old movies or watching the presidential hopefuls duke it out.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day was observed last Monday. That gave most of the government workers a three-day weekend while the rest of us had to get up and slug it out at the work place.

MLK had a dream and so did I. My dream was that I had a job where every day was a payday and I also had that same three-day weekend.

I dream a lot. I probably daydream more than the average person and I have a lot of nightmares. They say that if you dream a number, you should play the daily number in the lottery. Well, I dream a lot of numbers and only one time in my life did the number come up.

This was long before the state got into the gambling racket and I played it with a bookie. Our neighbor, Mrs. Duda, and I both played 103 for five dollars. Darned if that number didn't hit. We each pocketed our $2,500 and that was the last time we saw that bookie. He gave us our five grand and split.

Abe Lincoln and George Washington both have birthdays in February. Our government found a way to ignore both of those birthdays and also turn that into a three-day weekend with this bogus Presidents Day holiday.

You can bet that the working class will be in the trenches that day fighting to survive.

Supposedly, Washington told his father, "I cannot tell a lie," after he was caught cutting down the cherry tree. I wonder how many of our presidents carry that trait into the White House and remember it? It seems like most of them will bend the truth when the need arises.

Valentine's Day candy is in the stores so I guess love is in the air. Cupid is flying around looking for someone with a lot of money to shoot. The price of good candy is very high. Judging by the cost, it must taste like gasoline.

We must also be importing our milk from the Arabs these days, as a gallon of the white stuff costs more than a gallon of gas. I told Shirley I would buy a cow, except that she doesn't know how to milk one.

Milk is supposed to be the most perfect food in the world. Today, there are more substitutes on the market for milk than there are substitute players on a college football team.

I don't know how they make soybeans look and taste like milk and I don't want to know. I am sticking with moo juice. Even with that, you can choose between skim, one-percent, two-percent or whole milk, which is three-percent fat.

I see where we are going to borrow more money from China and give it to the American people to stimulate the economy so they can buy more things from China. Is there any merit to this?

I guess all the nuts ain't in the woods these days.