Through An 'Old Timer's' Eyes
By Howard 'Mac' McDonald

Isn't it amazing how fast the weekend seems to fly by? When Friday afternoon finally gets here, you think you have two whole days before you have to go back to the grind. When you have a beautiful spring weekend like we just had, it makes the clock move that much faster. Is this just me or do the rest of you get the same feeling?

Our daffodils are blooming and the tulips are about four inches high. I do not like to mow grass, but that is not far away. A couple of sheep would take care of the grass problem, except I'm sure the neighbors would complain.

The Canoe and Kayak Classic organizers could not have ask for better conditions: a hearty breakfast at Emporium Country Club, a bright sunny morning, and water conditions that were the best I have seen in many a year. What a way to start a day of high adventure on the Driftwood Branch of the Sinnemahoning. It was too cold for a swim, so the idea was to keep your boat rightside up.

After the race, some of the duffers took to the course. The addition to the country club is pretty classy.

I tried to persuade my wife to enter the race, to no avail. I brought up some of the things we did in our younger days, but she said there was a difference between being young and foolish than being old and wiser. She said, "I may have been to the top of the Zugspitze in the Bavarian Alps (Ger- many's highest peak), crossed the Atlantic Ocean on a troop ship with two little boys in the middle of December, and many other crazy things to be with you, but race in a canoe? No."

That was the end of the discussion.

March Madness came and went with Memphis and Kansas making it to the big dance. This basketball tournament makes as much money as the Super Bowl on TV. One thing different is that the NCAA spreads it out all over the country. Money is the name of the game.

Sports seems to be the number one concern in the United States institutions of higher learning. We are lagging behind the rest of the world in the subjects of importance, but we have the best sports teams.

Memphis was stained 40 years ago by the assassination of Martin Luther King. This tragic event took ten years of growth away from Memphis and put them far behind Atlanta and Nashville.

Drilling for gas is picking up in our forests. With all the gas that has been found in this area, you would think that your gas bill would go down. After that slippery bunch in the DCNR get their grubby hands on it, it will probably go up.

With the high price of gasoline, when you fill your car you have increased its worth by a whole bunch.

An older truck driver was having breakfast in this small restaurant when three tough bikers came in. One biker put his cigarette out in the middle of his pancakes, another spit a wad of chewing tobacco in his coffee and the third dumped his whole plate on the floor. The trucker got up, paid his bill and left.

One of the bikers said to the waitress, "Not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress answered, "Not much of a driver either - - he just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

With the April 22 primary rapidly approaching, I don't have much time to organize my debate with the other candidates for President. They are not saying much about the war in Iraq, but talking about how they will jump-start the economy.

I will jump-start the economy by getting out of Iraq and saving $3 billion a week. Some candidates for Congress are worried about the fate of the children in Iraq. I am worried about the 12 million kids who go to bed hungry every night in this country.

When I am President, we will get back to basics and let common sense prevail. Don't forget that my name is not on the ballot, so you'll have to